2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
