There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
