last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Randomize
