I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Randomize
