the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
