I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
