I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
