There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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