I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
