I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Randomize
