hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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