not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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