I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
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