Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
