You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
