I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Randomize
