My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
