At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
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