This beer is not sobering me up at all
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
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You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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