Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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