Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
