What did we do last night that was yellow?
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
