you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
