I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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