do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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