i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
