When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
