The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize
