Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
