All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
