i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
