Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Found your dick twin last night
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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