watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Drunk is not a location!
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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