I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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