once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
