Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
cat food counts as protein by the way
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
