Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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