Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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