Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
He called his prostate his "boner button".
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Randomize
