i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Randomize
