You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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