The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
