I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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