come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
