doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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