A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
