i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
