Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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