I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
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