I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
