I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Randomize
