I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
