At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Randomize
