summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
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I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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