I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Randomize
