i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
