Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
