Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
