If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize