im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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