One girl and one boy is just not enough.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
