I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
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At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
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New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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