well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
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Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
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If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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