I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
