and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
