I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
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