I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
