mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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