DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
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So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
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some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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