At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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