It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize