Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
