Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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