please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
