i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Randomize
